When did lust turn to love?
by SVUAddict
Summary: Buffy ponders over her relationship with Spike and what went wrong.


Title: When did lust turn to love?

Author: Kadence Malfoy

Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I only own the story line.

Summery: Buffy ponders over her relationship with Spike and what went wrong.

A/N: This is a one shot.

When did lust turn to love? When did the pain go away and when was it replaced by need? Need for something she had never thought she would have again? The need for love. And when was that need fulfilled? Buffy Summers pushed the thought around in her head as she walked through one of the many graveyards that inhabited Sunnydale. She tried to ponder over how everything in her life changed. But she couldn't figure out when it had started to change. She had a funny feeling it had changed with Spike. He had comforted her in a way no one else could. When she had been brought back to life all she had felt was hurt and emptiness. She had missed the great feeling she had had in heaven. Because there she knew everything would be okay. But now all she felt was remorse. Remorse for what she lost. Remorse for losing what she had and letting it get away from her. She was angry at herself for not realizing her feelings had changed. Or maybe she just didn't want to admit they had changed. Why would she admit that she had fallen for another vampire especially if that vampire happened to be Spike? It was the most stupid idea that existed. She knew her friends would turn from her in disgust. The only person who would stick by her was her sister Dawn. And if her mom was there she would too. Her mom had always liked Spike. Even after she found out he was a vampire. Love is a tricky thing that no one ever understands. You never know what you have until you lose it. All those times she had told Spike she didn't love them weren't true. All she was doing was trying to convince herself that she didn't love him. But it was all a lie. Her life is a lie. And he always saw right through her lies in a way Angel never could. Angel was too wrapped up in his own guilt and regret to see anything she felt. Of course he tried but he could never see through her like Spike could. It was as if she were see-through while she was with him. Everything lay out in the open. But she never believed what he said about her. She never wanted to believe anything that he said. Even though everything he said concerning her feelings were true. She realized they were real the second she crossed the room and saw Spike sleeping with Anya on the computer. It felt as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest and a hammer had slammed down on it breaking it into a thousand pieces. But when she finally admitted that her feeling was real Spike was gone and she was left to sulk in her regret. Regret for not acting sooner. Regret for being stupid and thinking about what her friends thought before she thought about what she thought. Regret for all she had put Spike through. She had used him and abused him and it was wrong. She realized that now. But what could she do? She had no clue where he was and no clue how to find him. Everyday since he had left she would stop by his crypt to see if he had come back. Come back to give her another chance. But he hadn't and Buffy just couldn't live with her decisions.

"Don't do it Love."

Buffy looked up from the spot on the floor in his crypt and found Spike in all his glory in the doorway. She tried to tell herself it was him, but she just couldn't believe he would come back for someone as worthless as herself. Spike moved further into the crypt and reached out his hand.

"Give me the gun pet," Spike said softly.

Buffy looked from Spike to the metal object in her hand. It was pointed at her head. She rested her finger on the trigger.

"Why?" Buffy choked out.

"Because you have too much going for you," Spike replied.

Buffy looked up at Spike. Tears silently filled her eyes and slid down her cheeks.

"What do I have Spike? I have nothing. I lost my one chance at happiness when I let you go."

Spike was taken back by her outburst and surprised by what she said.

"I thought you didn't love me."

"I did but I didn't want to believe it. I was a fool."

Spike knelt down in front of Buffy and slowly took the gun out of her hand. After setting in down behind him he pulled the blonde into his arms.

"You're real?" Buffy asked after she was over the shock.

"Of course I am love. And I'm not going anywhere."

A/N: What do you think? Here was a little Spuffy moment. Read and review.


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